A few weeks a go my business ticked over a million in revenue in 18 months.
At the moment, lots of you are reading this and lots of things are being thought about me saying that.
I have come to realise that when you put shit like this out there, not everyone is happy for you.
Because, I can’t do business any other way.
In my Facebook group I have shared about my PND, I have shared about my husband, I have shared my fails and I have shared my successes.
Unless I am being 100% real and authentic I am doing you all a disservice.
That glossy, shiny, polished shit in business, is just not me.
But here is the thing you probably don’t know.
Up until about 12pm today, the last 7 days have been the lowest I have been since my PND days.
It actually felt like PND all over again.
I lost my motivation, my mojo, my business willpower to empower and inspire.
So much so, that one of my besties got my husband and they did an intervention on me because I wasn’t talking to them.
My words were I believe, ‘fuck off, I don’t want to talk to anyone’
You’d think I would be out celebrating right?
Popping champagne and having fancy dinners.
Instead, I had all the feels.
I thought loads of horrible things to myself.
I am not worth it – guilty
I don’t deserve it – guilty
What are people going to think – guilty
Guilty, guilty, guilty fucking guilty.
The limiting beliefs and blocks I had were so heavy that it felt like fingernails on a chalkboard inside my brain.
All my usual tricks that I use to pull myself back out of funky times weren’t working.
Mindfulness wasn’t working
Talking to my biz besties wasn’t working.
I was actually really, really scared that I wasn’t going to come out of it.
Look at my Insta and I think you’ll see the signs.
The last time I felt so black it took 18 months for me to pull myself out of it.
I had no idea WTAF I was going to do. I didn’t feel like even doing anything.
It took me seven days to re-calibrate and reconnect with who I am and what I stand for.
I knew I had to be like the terminator.
Searching and scanning for my out.
It took me seven days to find my empowerment and willpower so I could flick into the brightness that I usually work from and that I have built my business from.
Finally, the penny dropped when I was talking to my psychologist about it today.
I had been giving all my power to this fear.
That was so absolutely fucking stupid, it makes me laugh now.
Because, this fear, that we all carry around, by the way…
Isn’t actually even logical.
I have got to a mil, because I have actually been really smart. Not all the time, but enough of the time.
I have done my best, every single day.
I have strived and motivated myself to continuingly be perfecting myself.
I have implemented mindset, strategies and several income streams to get here.
I have fallen down, but each time I got back up.
And I landed in this extremely successful position because I dreamt it, and then I real lifed it.
But, I let it snowball out of control.
I gave my power to other people
Depended on their thoughts and actions.
Here is something for you to take notice of…
The only person that needs to back you, is you.
Not friends, not your husband, not your team members, not some random on the internet.
If you can’t back yourself 100% how can you expect anyone else to back you?
Here is the turning point.
Write it down: fear and faith can not co-exist.
Fear will poison every single piece of your soul.
This new level that I have found myself on, that people dream to be on, triggered a series of relentless blocks and limiting beliefs that rattled me to the core.
I needed to find my inner child, to reconnect with her, to protect her, and to listen to her remind me why I am doing this and that I do have truly special gifts to offer and serve.
It comes down to me, and me only.
Just like your business, comes down to you, and you only.
No one else can create your success, fill your confidence or do the work for you.
And, here is what other people won’t tell you.
You do not get successful from winning all the freaking time.
Take a moment to truly absorb that.
Success comes from failure.
It comes from being pushed to your absolute core.
When the thoughts racing through your mind, actually hurt your heart.
It then rewards you when you think you can’t possibly go on anymore.
When you find that small voice inside.
If you listen to it, it whispers, ‘follow me’
If you are aware and listen to it.
It will lead you back to your power.
Where you find yourself having up leveled.
Standing on the next story of life.
Looking down at what used to be.
With a deep sense of contentment and peace.
The adrenaline washes over you.
The fulfillment makes you smile quietly to yourself as you walk to pick your children up.
Your heart screams ‘Throw me to the wolves, and I will come back leading the pack’